Read time: 5 minutes.

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• What I’ve Learned

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What I Learned:

I debated writing this one.

But a horror story about a dentist my age

And a viral ColdPlay concert forced my hand.

On losing everything.

Because nothing I write about in sharing wisdom to build a great orthodontic practice will matter if all you’ve accumulated is lost by one poor choice.

A man named Arthur kisses his college crush in front of their research science building  

His stomach jumps.

Butterflies.

He falls so in love with his crush that they marry and decide to research the science of intimacy as their mutual careers.

But here’s where it gets interesting:

For their research, Arthur and his wife bring together a group of men and women who have never met.  

Each is within the age range of each other, and similar enough in punching class with their physical features and education.

The men and women walk into a large room via separate doors.

Arthur pairs them up randomly.   

Each takes turns answering questions while the other listens.    

The questions start easy.  

“Who would you go to dinner with from anyone in history?” 

However, the questions progress to become more personal and disclosing.  

“When was the last time you truly cried?”   “Of all the people in your family, whose death would disturb you most?”  Questions that their closest friends didn’t know.

Then Arthur ends the session with this trick.

He asks the pair to stare silently into each other’s eyes for 240 seconds.

Four minutes of silent staring.

The results are insane—

Not only did the questions force intimacy, but with the extended eye contact, each participant released enough oxytocin that many left stating that they “had fallen completely and deeply in love.”

It was incredibly manipulative.

Arthur’s research demonstrated:

1. Rapid intimacy is possible if a participant is under the right conditions.

2. Self-disclosure is fire for intimacy.

3. Eye contact exacerbates deepened feelings of closeness.

4. The environment matters much more than quantitative time.

5. We can all be manipulated by our own biology.

Arthur Brooks teaches at Harvard Business School and teaches this lesson to his business students and future entrepreneurs.

He advises everyone to be hyper aware and careful with this knowledge.  

Why? 

Because the business workplace is the primary culprit in which these conditions accidently manifest.

You’re with someone all day long, you’re in proximity, maybe you do an offsite “work event”, you’re sharing personal stories, disclosing your personal business, sharing uninterrupted eye contact…

Introduce a few drinks…

Yep.

That bucket of trust, family, wealth, long term planning, or whatever it is you’ve been prudently building towards instantly has one gigantic hole.

“You are the product of your decisions,” Stephen Covey writes.

But be aware you can be highly manipulated into them by your own biology.

Arthur’s advice to his business students?

Be hyper-aware of this research, as this is one of the fastest ways to financial and reputational ruin.

—Arthur’s second best advice to his business students?

Make sure your spouse or partner receives the most of your eye contact during the week.

“Value loyalty and trust. Do not befriend anyone who is lower than you on this standard.”